Recently, my wife and I were watching the World Cup on TV.
Well actually, I was watching it and Cathy was tolerating it.
Eventually she said to me, “Why does the referee keep blowing his whistle every time the other team look like scoring?”
I said, “Because the player’s offside.”
She looked at me blankly.
She said, “What does that mean?”
I thought unless I can explain this, we’re in serious danger of having the TV switched over to The Cooking Channel.
And I remembered once hearing the best way to describe the offside rule to a woman.
So I said, “Imagine you’re in a shoe shop, and there’s a pair of shoes you really want.
And a salesgirl is standing at the counter, waiting to sell them to the first person to get there.
But another woman wants the shoes too.
And she’s racing you to get to the salesgirl, and the shoes, first.
Suddenly you realise you’ve forgotten your purse.
So you shout to your friend who’s standing behind you to throw you your purse.
Now if she throws the purse before you overtake the other woman, you can race to the counter and buy the shoes.
But if she throws the purse after you’ve overtaken the other woman, you’re offside, and you can’t have the shoes.
To put it simply, you can’t go past the other woman until your friend throws you your purse.
Now think of your purse as the ball.
Think of the shoes as the goal.
Think of the salesgirl as the goalkeeper.
And the other woman as the defender.
The forward can’t go past the last defender until the ball is kicked towards him.
If he does he’s offside and the referee blows the whistle.”
And you know what?
It worked.
Cathy concentrated and watched the game.
And when they did the offside replay graphic she said, “Oh, I get it.”
See, that’s how it is with communication.
We have to take information and put it into a form that the other person can understand.
That means translating it for them.
Unless we put it into the other person’s language we’re just talking to ourselves.
I’d been having a lot of trouble with my elbow.
Being a bloke I just wanted it fixed.
Being a bloke, I have a very mechanical approach to things.
So I went to my GP and said, “Can I have an operation to fix my elbow?”
The GP said, “You may not need an operation, you may just need a chiropractor.”
And he gave me an address.
I was cynical, but I thought I’d give it a go and then, when it didn’t work, I’d have the operation.
So I went to a place in Hampstead called Natural Health Chiropractic.
It confirmed all my worst fears.
Potted plants everywhere, nice music playing, leaflets on healthy eating, posters about yoga and alternative therapies.
I said to the receptionist, “I bet most of your clients are women aren’t they?”
She said, “We do get quite a few men, but usually because their wives make them come. How did you know?”
I said, “Just a guess.”
Then a nice young Australian chiropractor examined me.
Being a bloke, I expected her to look at my elbow.
But she didn’t.
She checked my neck, my shoulders, my spine, my balance, my posture, my blood pressure, even my toes.
All before she even looked at my elbow.
Eventually she said, “I think we’ll need to work on the area between your neck and your shoulders.”
I said, “Why? The problem’s in my elbow.”
She said, “Think of it as garden hose. If there are kinks in the hose nothing can flow through. I think you’ve got kinks at the neck and shoulder. If we remove those kinks you’ll get a much better flow to the elbow.”
Now I don’t know if this is true.
But, because she put it is simple language I could understand, it made sense to me.
Suddenly I wasn’t quite so cynical.
She knew the way to communicate with me wasn’t about Chakras and energy centres, and complementary medicine.
So she put it into ordinary, blue-collar language.
Bloke speak.
And because it made sense I’m going to go along for a few weeks and see if it works.
She sold me, not telling me in her language.
But by putting it into my language.
See communication isn’t just about speaking correctly.
Communication is about being heard correctly.
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Great stuff Dave- I get it, but I still don’t get off side.
…I thought unless I can explain this, we’re in serious danger of having the TV switched over to The Cooking Channel. …
Bloke speak?
Ciaran
Mike Reynolds (comment above) used to be my art director.
He’s an old hippy and he’d have been happier with the chakras explanation.
Hi Ciaran,
The missus always has the TV tuned to The Cooking Channel.
I always have it tuned to The History Channel.
We’ll only be able to watch it together if there’s ever a programme called ‘Great Meals Cooked In Panzer Tanks’.
Coming up next on the History Cooking Channel… William Shakespeare presents ‘Thy Cannot Cook, Will Cook Not’
Dave
When a program is on that you want to watch e.g motd, set it to come on automatically in advance and then hide the remote.
Thank you for dispatches from the planet of gender stereotype cliches. Very useful for when I go to live in the 1950s.
Speaking of garden hoses, when the British Empire was about to fall to the Nazis and the isolationists in the US (and there were many) were vehemently against the US providing materiel aid to the UK. FDR hit upon the idea of loaning the Brits weapons. A hard sell.
Here are the words Roosevelt used to sell his loan plan to the public. “A man would not say to a neighbor whose house was on fire: ‘Neighbor, my garden hose cost me fifteen dollars; you have to pay me fifteen dollars for it.’ He would lend the neighbor his hose and get it back later.
This simple copy won the day. The US loaned the UK and later the USSR billions of dollars of weapons and they were able to stay the Nazi advance until the full-force of the US entered the fray.
Obviously an American pov above.
Hi George,
You’ve got the language more accurately than I did.
http://www.cstadvertising.com/blog/2010/06/simple-works-complicated-doesnt/
Dave, did it work?
In the late 90s Tony Adams had been out for ages with a bad back and couldn’t get fit. Wenger sent him to a specialist in France who removed his wisdom teeth and he was back playing straight away.
Dear MM,
This is the second time I’ve had to ask someone
to look up ‘irony’ on Dave’s blog.
Ciaran
Last time I attempted any ironying, I was left with a smoldering irony shaped hole in the fur on one of my legs.
I’d leave it on the cooking channel. Food coming your way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vc4JJ8C4N0
The best tool in sales is story telling. When asked a question tell a (third party) story to get to find out the real question and the real problem. I love good story tellers, seems like a dieing art though.
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Could you explain the offside rule to Defoe? On second thoughts don’t bother.
I need to find a story to explain the Tour de France at the moment, I love the tdf, in fact I have the afternoon booked off today to go watch the stage with some cycling friends.
–
The problem seems to be that most people don’t understand that cycling is a team sport and that the winner is the rider (never English) that covers the same distance as everyone else but in the least amount of time, it looks confusing because some days the leader or the yellow jersey wearer, will come in behind that days winner of the stage. Or as looks likely this year never win a stage at all.
–
Think of it as cumulative business wins for your agency, it is not the size of one win or the quantity of wins but the agency that has the largest amounts of fees at the end of the period that wins. An agency may lose a pitch or may even only win one pitch or none but lose no accounts or even grow some, but the one with the most £ at the end wins. hummm
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Oh and there is is also a point jersey, green, a polka dot jersey, king of the mountains, a white jersey, best young rider, and best team. Each team has a rider whose number ends in a 1 so, 01, 21, 31…101 etc - the rest of his team (domestiques) have numbers too but their goal is to help their team leader, 02-09, 22-29, 32-39 etc
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So within that new business race, you may pick up awards for most memorable campaign, best young creative team or best campaign in a certain sector. The rest of the agency’s goal is to act as a team to help the MD win the race. Bring him water, pace him back to the peleton, lend him their bike if need be, tow him up the mountains, or lead him out for a sprint finish, keep him safe in the peleton or chase back attacks. Opps, in a right mix now.
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Not always that easy is it?
Ha, That is possibly the most derogatory and complicated way of explaining the offside rule I have ever heard. I just told the intern sitting next to me and she punched me within saying the first sentence.
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I have found most girls are confused because of the rule’s name- they think it’s something to do with throw ins or the ball actually leaving the side of the pitch.
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If you explain that this is not the case before you try to explain the rule, not only will you be understood, you will also be completely safe from lady wrath.
Sorry, just realized that my comment sounds completely attacking. I meant “Ha” as a jovial kind of chuckle- more amused at the fact that I just got punched by the intern, not “Ha”- you suck. If you catch my drift.
Reminds me of that WKD billboard…
‘Offside rule for girls: when the flag goes up, it’s offside’.
“I said, “Do you speak-a my language?”. He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich”.
Does my high-heel have to be touching the ground in front of her high-heel?
Or would I be offside even if only my breasts were in front of hers?
MM and Kim,
Not all women agree with you.
If you read the previous post: http://www.cstadvertising.com/blog/2010/07/18/
That’s one of my clients who is a powerful woman.
I was using that description to explain the offside rule.
She said she thought it was a really good explanation and made sense to her.
On the other hand.
I wouldn’t dare use it to Anna Micheli, who is an art director at our agency.
Anna knows more about football than any of the guys and could run the England team better than Crapello.
So it’s not that all women can only understand football in terms of shoes.
Like I said in the post, you have to pick the right communication for the audience.
I turned around dancer friends once with, “It’s just like ballet… but with a ball.” and proceeded to show them pictures of a Spot The Ball competition.
As for foodies, I always engage my better half by finding food and drink that compliments the teams playing during world cups.
As for the domestic league it’s feasible too although on a less grander scale.
Jellied Eels washed down with a couple of pints of Boddington’s next time West Ham play Man U it is then!
Isn’t this ultimately a bit like the Prisoner’s Dilemma, where competition and cooperation sit in uneasy equilibrium? Not that I’m suggesting marriage is like being in jail!
http://ex-blank-page.blogspot.com/2010/07/in-reply-to-daves-great-posts-153-156.html
Or, to put it another way: Speak to the listening of your audience.
Natural Health Chiropractic. We won’t treat you like your a pain in the neck.
Sorry. It was early on Sunday morning. That should have read …you’re not your. Obviously.
Two of my uncles were in the 8th army during world war two.
They often had a fry-up on a tank.
However, I do have a challenge for you Dave.
Is it possible to make Cricket interesting?
Or is that just a bridge too far?
Hi Kevin,
A couple of things that could be interesting about cricket, for me, concern the bowling.
Number one is the spin on the ball.
According to ‘the venturi effect’ it’s about compressing or extending air molecules.
So the side of the ball moving towards the direction of travel compresses the molecules.
The side moving away from the direction of travel extends them.
Air pressure is greater on the side compressing them.
So, like an aeroplane wing, you have greater density on that side, consequently greater lift on the opposite side.
Working out how you can use that to curve the ball’s direction and lure the batsman into a certain shot, allows you to position the fielders like a chess game.
It would take lots of concentration to study, but I can see how it could be addictive.
Hi Dave,
I can see what you are saying about the skill required to bowl a ball a certain way.
The idea of fielders being positioned like a chess game makes sense too.
It’s funny how some sports work on TV for everyone and some only work for connoisseurs.
I guess Snooker is the same in principle, screwing the ball, backspin, snookering, etc,
yet I could watch a game of snooker and be engrossed.
Cricket can be a bit like watching tennis on TV.
When the camera is positioned side on, you can’t really appreciate the game
because the ball travels so fast it’s like trying to chase a fly.
When it’s set in deep perspective, over the shoulder of one of the players,
there’s a greater sense of being there.
However, your explanation will make me accept it is a game of skill
and not just an excuse for some to spend 3 days in a Foster’s beertent.
Although that in itself is an incredible skill of poise and balance too!
Hi Kevin,
Comparing it to snooker is good.
I think it’s down to the instant-replay graphics on TV.
If they followed the ball with a white dotted line, then tracked where the batsman hit it to, that would be like working out the spin to position the cue ball for the next shot.
Those kind of graphics were what got me interested in American football years ago.
And, like cricket, play stops often so there’s lots of time for graphics.
What a great post. The same conversation went on in our house, only I didn’t have the brains to explain the off side rule in shoe buying terms. Wish I had, someone in our house has a cupboard full of those. I’ll have to wait to the next World Cup. Glad to see someone else watches the Tour de France. I love it, but I have to say something was missing for me without Lance in the top 3. I felt badly for Andy Schleck, I see Contador is going to Saxo bank and the Schleck boys are going to another team. Radio Shack maybe?